so fucking confused right now.

seriously. why does everything have to happen all in one go?
i really dont think im smart enough, mature enough, experienced enough for all this shit to be happening to me at the moment.

ive never been able to stop at one.
i never learnt self discipline.
IS THIS WHY! THIS IS FUCKED!

the shit part is that ive been friends with them for ages, and now theyve both realised they've been aiming the same way all along, theyve both decided to speed up, and BOMBARD ME!

and im actually being a fucking STUPID KNOB and trying to split myself in two and pretend like neither one exists to the other.

and that, unfortunately, is not possible in this close situation without hurting everything.

you cant do this with people that you actually have come to know, and dont want to hurt anyone.

but i feel like i just keep sticking my finger in the wound.
which apparently never healed.
fuck.


Friday's Horoscope.
"Get out and have a little fun! Goodness knows you have earned it. You may be a little anxious about the last-minute nature of the travel or recreational plans you are presented with, but if you go with the flow you will be lead to a rip-roaring good time."

bullshit. be anxious. also, realise Home Bar is shit.

Saturday's (Today's) Horoscope.
"Trust your intuition. You may have some doubts or concerns about your future career path, or the direction your social life is taking. An older friend or an authority figure that you trust will prove themselves to be a wise and understanding guide."

bullshit. we all know your intuition sucks. and you most definitely cannot ask your "older friend" for advice on this.