BUT SAUCE! IT IS THE PASTA AND JULIET IS THE CREEM!

ALL. THE TIME. I AM TO LIKE PASTA.
WITH THE TOMATO SAUCE MUSHROOM.
WITH THE CREEMS SO IT IS TO GO A LOVELY CORAL PINK COLOUR FOR EATS.
AND IT FOR HAVE MUSHROOMS.
IT CAN NOT BE BEEF. THIS SAUCE. DRY IS CHICKENS.
AND THE PRAWNS IS TOO HARD TO MAKE ON FORK.

I LIKE. I EATS THE. SAUCE. WITH TOMATO. AND CREEMIES. IS FABULOUS IT.
FOR ALL TIME.
PRAISE THE TOMATO CREEMS.
IT IS FOR THE IS REASON FOR JESUS. THIS Sauce.

Can I Have Hair Like This?

Do you ever get those feelings like when nothing ever touches you anymore??
And you cant find anything you like?
Like you dont have time to sit and find new things your are passionate about.
And you havent even listened to you iPod recently?

It seems like this has happened to me Post ***
I shall not speak the word here on this blog.

I often feel jealous of people who have such passion and inspiration all the time.
people who can think of something fun and original to say, right off the bat.
and they are remembered by everyone, and people take an instant liking to them.
and their weirdness is appropriate even to old people or prude family members.

jack the lad.
but not. not really at all, because i dont think that fully explains it.
that term has its limits.
even if it was the eccentric version.
anyways.
i was going to ramble on, but now dads putting on inception, which i have not seen and cannot miss it.



***


watched inception.
bit of a mindfucker.
leonardo dicaprio is good.


what is the mood i am in?
i have been like this before, but not for ages.

its mostly made up of boredness, fedupness, almost aggravated.
also that feeling when you really motherfucking hate someone and you only half know why.
like, you want to yell "OMG YOU SHIT ME SO BAD!" but you cant. because theyre youre cousin.
and youre supposed to love them, but you've spent your whole life avoiding such scum of the earth, and you dont really know how to handle or tolerate such a person, because it is so rare an occassion that you HAVE to put up with them.
you cant even make a snide comment. because it would be out of line...


i am supposed to be writing nteresting things.
but i cant. '
because for the past week or more, i have had this sickness where i cant do anything well, or make things like art, conversation, my own life, as interesting as it should be.

like, i want to draw a picture.
but i cant think of what to draw.
but im in that mood where i want to do something meaningful.
but i cant put any meaning into it.
like.... emptiness.
but that sounds like depression.
and its not.
because i have no reason to be.
i feel like i just go through the days. doing. not feeling.
just sort of getting along.
and that sucks.
because even while i was at school i had plenty of things to do, but still found time to make my life interesting.
there was rarely a time where i did not have a satisfying conversation, or nothing to draw, or something to really laugh at, to really love.

the feeling of not having any meaning in what i do right now.
its fustrating.
i dont know what i want.
but really, when have i ever known what i want?
i need to get better and become my self again.
because by the 6th of January i have to make a big descision, and decide what i want to do in university.
which is a big deal. so i have to be able to find passion in something.
but i am not inspired to be passionate.
there is no passion. for anything, in any respect, in my life right now.
im just following some schedule.
which, mind you, is not much of a schedule at all.
i sleep until twelve, and when i have to wake up earlier than that, i feel pissy all day.
im always tired.
but i will stay awake till 2am most nights without realising.
not even doing anything of substance.
just not wanting to sleep.
which is ridiculous, because i am always tired.

like i am always hungry, but often i find myself getting full or *gasp* sick of the food infront of me.


it is so strange.

i dont know what you call all this.
but its not my life.
i need my life back.


this is a large rant.
rantrrantrantrantrantrrantrantrantranrantnanrtnannrnnennararratv ntantantbdiy w rfdrant

rant.
why am i talking?
what is the point of my exsistence if i am not having fun? if i cannot feel?

i want to be creative or SOMETHING but its all just ... grey mush.